WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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