She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
