We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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