there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
