real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
