Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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