The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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