Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
