Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i love accidental penises.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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