I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
