I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
