I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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