The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
