I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
