Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
