while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
