I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize