god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
