porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
