You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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