mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
