We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
