were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
