I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
