Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
