I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
