i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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