I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
