Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
