Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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