Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
