literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize