i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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