my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
