He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize