We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
