I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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