I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
