Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize