You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
