Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
