the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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