careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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