she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
