yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
