I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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