Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
