U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
