How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
