I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
