ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
