No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
