took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Terrible idea I love it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
