I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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