New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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