Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
