I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
