PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
