I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
