how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize