Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
