one two three fourrrrnication!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
