he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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