I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
