i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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