just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
