So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize