I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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