he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
