making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
