when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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