I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
