I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
