Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
