theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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