Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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