Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize