I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am naked and annoyed.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
