I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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