Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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